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so why don't you kill me [entries|friends|calendar]
loser on cruise control

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12 [30 Dec 2012|10:46am]
On 12/12/12, my wife gave birth to our daughter Clara.
Life will never be the same again.
This is kind of where it all started.
Summer session.
Bored loser with no cable.
A cute girl with socks.
And now this life.
Oh life.
She's 19 days old today. It can't get any better, can it?
Thank you, internet.
ClaraFeet
Make my heart jump

kaizen motherfucker [23 Oct 2009|03:11pm]
been getting 1% better every day for a year and a half now.
sloping downward for longer than usual, but feeling good about the future

been obsessed, if for lack of a better term, with facebook lately. a lot of wasted time.

i should be writing more often. i like my knack for prose. once i get started, the juices are familiar and non-judgemental.

over a year in burlington now.
100 minutes of commuting 5 days a week for 52 weeks...is over 18 full days driving to and from work in a year. my year is 347 days long.
my life is waiting, somewhere out there.

once again, time to get skinny. doing it for the kids. to predict the future would be the antithesis of kaizen. i'm the same.
2 Whispered "Me too"| Make my heart jump

[23 Oct 2009|12:34pm]
let's get fiscal, fiscal
i wanna get fiscaaaal
let's get into fiscal

let me hear you wallet talk
your wallet talk
let me hear your wallet taaalk
Make my heart jump

[10 Dec 2008|01:49am]
THE RULES:
Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 35 songs that play, as long as they have lyrics.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly. (Or X before it)
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game, post your own.
Step 6: After a week, any songs left, I will add the next line.


1. It can't be love, for there is no true love, it can't be love for there is no true love.
2. Everything I say sounds clumsy and dumb.
3. The first time, the second time, let's stop this clock from starting.
4. Maybe I didn't love you, quite as often as I could have.
5. Money. Get away. Get a good job with good pay and you're okay.
6. Something's on my mind. It's been for quite some time.
7. It's a round unpainted highway, and a muzzle of bees.
8. I was bruised and battered, I couldn't tell what I felt.
9. I never really had a problem because of leaving.
10. Oh lordy lordy oh lordy with your red light glow round
11. I shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot no deputy.
12. I'm happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag, I'm useless but not for long.
13. And it's true we named our children after towns that we'd never been to.
14. We shall overcome. We shall overcome. We shall overcome someday.
15. Have I told ya, have I told ya you can really get it on?
16. Hang on sloopy, sloopy hang on.
17. Well it hurts from the bottom, and it hurts down to your soul.
18. Seems I got to have a chance it seems every night I have the strangest dream.
19. How can I bring you to this sea of madness?
20. Blinded by the light, reved up like a deuce another runner in the night.
21. Such a drag to want something sometime, one thing leads to another I know.
22. There's a girl in my yard, reading to me tarot cards.
23. Seems like yesterday, but it was long ago.
24. I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations.
25. Here we are now, where are we?
26. It must be summer, cause the days are long.
27. Where do you go, with your broken heart in tow?
28. She said 'I'll throw myself away', they're just photos anyway.
29. Ah, right, we gotta kick 'em out!
30. Cut it out. Your self infllicted pain is getting too rutine.
31. Here on these cliffs of Dover. So high you can't see over.
32. I've been out walking. I don't do too much talking these days.
33. Buckets of rain. Buckets of tears. Got all them buckets coming out of my ears.
34. I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord.
35. Think you caught me on the downside downturn. i was busy writing with a pen and paper.
Make my heart jump

[12 Nov 2008|02:46am]
happy tuesday everyone.

happy veteran's day.

happy happy joy hoy ahoy.
Make my heart jump

[08 Oct 2008|03:47pm]
"Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the Angelic
Orders? And even if one were to suddenly
take me to its heart, I would vanish into its
stronger existence. For beauty is nothing but
the beginning of terror, that we are still able to bear,
and we revere it so, because it calmly disdains
to destroy us. Every Angel is terror."

-Rilke
Make my heart jump

rae of hope [05 Aug 2008|07:59pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

I've had this journal for eight years now. that seems hard to believe. that's the meaty part of a decade. i started this journal because my friends shawn and candi were on here. i thought it was quite a novel idea to be able to share communication on-line outside of the typical Instant Message/Chat Room forums. i also may have thought i had something to say and contribute to the world wide web. Who knew that, 8 years later, it would be incredibly uncommon for anyone to NOT have 300 million people in their online social network. and, as it turns out, i've more often had nothing to say than something to say.


back to present day...

i've been working at Trader Joe's for 16 months now, been training for a promotion for 7 months. this week, someone else got promoted. I was jumped. for what reason, i can't be clear. it could have been favoritism, it could have been age, but the bottom line is, i'm salty about these events.
i worked last night with ABSOLUTELY no inspirato, no motivation, no 'sense of urgency'. at the end of the night, after receiving an apology from the manager on hand for being jumped, i was told..."You know what you need to do, and frankly, I saw it tonight, I saw that second gear..."

WHAAAA!?!?

contradiction surrounds my employment. lord knows i can deal with that.

at the heart of this situation is my unwillingness (but ability) to be a retail all-star. i have an unnecessarily large amount of respect for retail workers. this trait does not make me a natural selection for retail management. historically, to be management, you must be first focused on the customers, second focused on productivity and profit, and third (lastly) focused on pleasing the staff. my mind flips that list. i'm a valuable member of the staff, and respected by all of my co-workers, and blah blah blah.

who knows?

3 Whispered "Me too"| Make my heart jump

i'm this many... [17 Jul 2008|03:06am]
i've had this journal for the meaty part of a decade now, and someday i'll tell the story of how it all began. my consistently inconsistent updating style is part of the character i think. i think the only way i could update this often is to fill it with random quizzes, questionaires and the like. i won't. but for now, here's a less than comprehensive but highly chronological list of my favorite album of every year that i have been alive...

1984 - "Weird" Al Yankovic "In 3-D"
1985 - Talking Heads "Little Creatures"
1986 - Beastie Boys "License To Ill"
1987 - R.E.M. "Document"
1988 - R.E.M. "Green"
1989 - Operation Ivy "Energy"
1990 - They Might Be Giants "Flood"
1991 - The Tragically Hip "Road Apples"
1992 - Tool "Opiate"
1993 - Rage Against the Machine "Rage Against The Machine"
1994 - Ween "Chocolate & Cheese"
1995 - Wilco "A.M."
1996 - Eels "Beautiful Freak"
1997 - Ben Folds Five "Whatever and Ever Amen"
1998 - Elliott Smith "Xo"
1999 - Built to Spill "Keep it Like a Secret"
2000 - Modest Mouse "The Moon and Antarctica"
2001 - N.E.R.D. "In Search Of..."
2002 - Flaming Lips "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots"
2003 - Death Cab For Cutie "Transatlanticism"
2004 - Rilo Kiley "More Adventurous"
2005 - Decemberists "Picaresque"
2006 - Flaming Lips "At War With the Mystics"
2007 - Of Montreal "Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?"
2008 - Death Cab For Cutie "Narrow Stairs"
Make my heart jump

i liked the cake (song) [13 Jul 2008|01:29am]
so here i am, happily married
so here we are, happily married

i tell everyone it is the easiest thing i've ever done, and it's true. everything i do now-a-days is true. i truthfully have not lived that way since my childhood.

i've never been so good at storytelling. prose is more my bag. but i'm off tomorrow, and i plan on going to bed before 4 tonight, so perhaps i'll write more then. until then...be well.
2 Whispered "Me too"| Make my heart jump

random rules [09 Jul 2008|01:53pm]
It's been some time. so, before an actual update, i'll do my best to explain my life through shuffling songs on iTunes. let's see what happens...

What Was Your Childhood Like?
"Inhuman Capabilities" Mr. Lif

What's Your Family All About?
"(You Give Me) Fever" Buddy Guy

How Did You Do in School?
"Crazy Love" Daniel Johnston

How Do You Feel About Yourself?
"Alcan Road" Ween

Your Thoughts On Religion?
"D's Dilemma" Art Blakey & The Jazz Messengers

Ever Had A Bad Break Up?
"Slipped Away" G. Love and Special Sauce

What Do You Think About Your Significant Other?
"Chapel Hill" Sonic Youth

What Do You Think When You are Kissing Your Significant Other?
"Ain't Nobody's Business But My Own" Taj Mahal

What Are You Thinking While Making Love?
"Tits On The Radio" Scissor Sisters

How Is Work Going?
"Not The Same" Ben Folds Five

Do You Miss Your Loved Ones?
"Lief Erikson" Interpol

What Are Your Dreams?
"Don't Eat The Yellow Snow" Frank Zappa

Wanna Party?
"I Want to Break Free" Queen

Who Wants to Get High?
"What Would Brian Boitano Do?" South Park

Are You Tired?
"Memory Lane" Elliott Smith

Do You Feel Accomplished?
"Greetings In Braille" The Elected

Is Death Knocking At Your Door?
"Because" The Beatles

What Are You Doing Tomorrow?
"Lost Cause" Beck

What Are You Doing For the Rest of Your Life?
"Heaven" Talking Heads


and what-have-you
Make my heart jump

dykstra was on the juice, jimmy is on a roll [01 Oct 2007|11:28am]
there's nothing like a pennant race. wow. i've been telling everyone here in new england since i got here that i'd see them in october (meaning the phillies would play the red sox in the world series). but i was given nothing but chuckles and, at best, sympathetic nods.
but now! it's, as they say, on.

in other news, i slashed my own tire last night. and i'm feeling an uncommon urge to organize my life. autumn.
3 Whispered "Me too"| Make my heart jump

[30 Jul 2007|06:55pm]
it has only been 5 months since i moved. it has only taken me 5 months to go completely broke. but that has less to do with the move as it does have to do with student loans raping my check book while i'm sleeping. i don't even sleep with the door closed and those bastards still have their way while i snooze.
Make my heart jump

poo-tee-weet? [13 Apr 2007|11:08pm]
"Tiger got to hunt,
Bird got to fly,
Man got to sit and wonder why, why why.

Tiger got to sleep,
Bird got to land,
Man got to tell himself he understands."


-Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle
Make my heart jump

the perfect storm [06 Mar 2007|06:02pm]
Gloucester is a poetic town at heart, I believe.
after this deep freeze, I'll challenge it to prove itself to me.
My nights are warm, though.

I need a job sooner than later.
but I have no stress or real urgency for it.
first, I needed happiness, and I'm still (thankfully) absorbing a huge blow of it.

Philadelphia is gone.
the world around me has been shrunken
less and less people are drunken
I know I'll never fully get away from this alcohol fueled world, but I'm grateful it's not outside my window at the moment.

I don't want to see my future anymore
I want to live my present
I'm not living my life through a TV tube.
I can't wait for it to warm up.
5 Whispered "Me too"| Make my heart jump

they come with the dust and are gone with the wind [24 Feb 2007|10:23am]
today is my second to last day of work. tomorrow is my last. this is bizarre, but not really. just the end of another two year cycle i suppose.
not that i won't miss it here, but where i'm going to, to me, just crushes this place in the importance department.
I'm not leaving anything behind. my ties to philly/jersey are not broken or frayed in any way.
Time to move on. i wish, for my sake, that i don't ever stop moving forward (literally or figuratively).
But, alas, while I didn't accomplish ALL of the goals that I may have set or may have been set for me, I think I surprised myself quite a lot.

I played the lottery last night (scratch off), but didn't win. the lottery seems to be one of those things you can either do too much, or not enough. either way it doesn't pay off. kind of like talking.

my winters will be colder, but life will be easier to bare.
3 Whispered "Me too"| Make my heart jump

guess i'm doing fine [26 Jan 2007|11:11pm]
I know you're wise beyond your years
but do you ever get the feeling...
that you're perfect versus just a lie
you tell yourself to help you
get by...



life has a way of working itself out somehow. even in death.
power in numbers is beyond physical strength.

be humble
be alive
be free of materialism
always

shed tears
shed pounds
shed light on the young
always

pride can be a deadly weapon
and unfortunately usually is
but when used correctly and justly
can move mountains
Make my heart jump

I think the Phils are going to be pretty good this year... [22 Jan 2007|03:54am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

James A. Pasquarello January 22, 1939-January 22, 2007Collapse )

1 Whispered "Me too"| Make my heart jump

just like moses [21 Jan 2007|12:08am]
[ mood | tired ]

40 days until i "let my people go..."


p.s. my phone is kinda broken, so you may have called/texted me recently, and i may have missed it. the best way to get in touch with me would be e-mail. that would be ecm619@mac.com

bye

Make my heart jump

[03 Dec 2006|01:28am]
there's nothing quite like those first good winter-time boogers.

i don't need to describe...you know what i mean
1 Whispered "Me too"| Make my heart jump

3 years later [18 Nov 2006|01:18am]
This is my entry from Nov. 19th, 2003, the day I returned from my first trip to Gloucester via Greyhound bus:

What did I expect? Certainly not as much as i got. I left early friday morning, knowing that it was going to be good, but when i arrived late friday afternoon, there was no way to predict how great it would be.
She is amazing. I like her lots. I intend to see her often. (as often as possible with the distance, cost, etc. ): )

I don't know what I did to deserve someone so insanely awesome, but I'll take it.
But seriously, she makes me happy. oh so happy. isn't that all that matters?
whodathunkit?

oh shit. i'm falling. falling hard.



I like to think i knew what I was doing.
Make my heart jump

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